Team Bonding
by Staacey
Summary: Growing up is always awkward and puberty is always the worse but don't worry your teammates will be here to make it even harder!
1. Chapter 1

_On the way back from a mission Team Hiruzen has a surprise!_

 **Team Hiruzen**

Hiruzen Sarutobi watched the sleeping figures of his students. Some time during the long night Orachimaru had rolled over near his white haired team mate Jiraiya who had snuggled close to his team mate for warmth while the only kunoichi Tsunade had wisely slept away from her teammates. The Third Hokage was very content with the outcome of his latest mission and was very proud of how his three students had conducted themselves. In the last six months since he had started life as their sensei they had all showed vast improvement and were on their ways to becoming great ninjas.

As usual Tsunade was the first to wake up. She quickly gathered her things and sluggishly dragged her body towards the nearby stream to take care of her morning hygiene. She briefly looked over at her sensei and nodded her head in greeting.

Shortly afterwards the two boys began to stir. Orachimaru started to stretch and wiggle trying to rouse himself from sleep. His bed that morning was incredibly soft and warm that morning and he did not really feel like getting up. Though there was something hard poking into his back and he tried to move away only to have it more firmly planted along his back.

Jiraiya was still asleep dreaming about his beautiful blonde teammate. She was warm and very soft in his arms as he cuddled closer to her nuzzling her neck. He could not help but to think she smelt faintly of mothballs. Tsunade started to wiggle and squirm in his arms so Jiraiya held her tighter and gave her a firm tap on her behind.

"Tsunade," he muttered in his sleep. "Don't move so much."

Orachimaru hearing the voice of his unwanted teammate right next to his ear and feeling a hand pat his butt bolted strait up, or at least he would have except Jiraiya had him in a tight grip.

"Get off of me you pervert!" Screamed the dark faired ninja as he tried to wrestle out of his teammate's relentless grip.

Startled by Orachimaru's scream Jiraiya eyes flew open and all he could see was the pail ninja he had wrapped in his arms. The blonde kunoichi he had just been dreaming of was no where's to bee seen.

"Where's Tsunade?" Jiraiya asked barely awake.

Orachimaru's face went from its usual white to red and then a horrible puce. The genin face contorted with rage as Jiraiya continued to hold him in his arms.

"Get off of me!" Orachimaru said enunciating each word with a deep growl.

Jiraiya finally understanding the position he was in quickly jumped back and tried to scoot as far back as he could get from his dark haired team mate. Jiraiya could feel his face heat up with a deep scarlet blush.

As the two boys were having a stare off the third member of their team came back into the clearing where they had set up camp. She was pale and shaking as she quietly walked to where here fellow ninjas were. She walked up to their sensei and whispered something in his ears while trying to hide a pair of pants from the two boys view.

The pair were having a heated discussion. Tsunade's face was bright red while Hiruzen's face became paler.

"It's the first time," The two boys heard the girl cry out. "How could I know that I would start now?"

Tsunade's hands flew to her mouth at her own outburst. She looked over at the two boys sitting on the ground still covered in their blankets and her face went even redder when she met the curios gazes of her fellow genin. She turned her back away from her teammates and started to plead with her sensei again. When she turned she did not notice her pants slip showing a splash of red blood on them.

When the two boys noticed the red blood they both jumped up and ran to their injured teammate.

"Tsunade," Jiraiya cried out. "Are you ok? Did someone attack you?"

"I know some medical ninjutsu, would you like me to try to heal you?" asked Orachimaru.

"I am not injured and I don't need your help." Tsunade muttered while looking at the ground.

Jiraiya looked over at Tsunade's pants and realized where the blood had came from. He had several female cousins and recalled them gossiping about how horrible their monthly visitor could be and how when he had asked who the visitor was one of his crueler cousins had explained in gory detail. The white haired genin could feel his face heat up.

Orachimaru was not satisfied with the kunoichi's words decided he should press for more details. After all didn't their sensei always tell them their teammates were important and they had to care for each other. What could be more important than a teammate's health?

"Tsunade," the pale genin began patiently. "If you are hurt you should let us help you out. We are your team."

"It is just my period!" Screamed the blonde girl. "It has nothing to do with boys."

Orachimaru tilted his head to the side in confusion. "What does grammar have to do with you bleeding?"

Tsunade blushed even harder and hid her face in her hands.

Hiruzen looked at the poor kunoichi and sighed wondering what he had gotten himself into.

"I will go to a nearby village and get you the supplies you asked for," The Third Hokage told his distraught student.

Orachimaru still very in the dark on what was going on. Looked at his sensei and teammate in confusion. He was considered a prodigy and was not used to being the dark

"What is going on? Is she going to die?" He demanded.

Hiruzen grabbed the dark haired boy and whispered the secrets of female biology to him. Orachimaru's face looked increasingly horrified with the details.

"They must be evil monsters!" Orachimaru cried out. He looked over at Tsunade his eyes wide and terrified. "How can anything bleed for seven days _every_ month and not _die_!"

At a loss for words Hiruzen decided it was best for him to go and get the feminine hygiene products Tsunade had requested and he disappeared in a flash of white smoke leaving his three students to work out things on their own. It would be just like a team building exercise.

Jiraiya walked over to his blonde teammate and softly put a hand on her shoulder.

"I am sure he did not mean anything by it," Jiraiya tried to console her.

Tsunade glared at Jiraiya before punching hard enough for him to fly head over heels into a nearby tree. She then stomped off into the woods to get away from the two boys.

After ten minutes Jiraiya was finally able to recover enough to stand up and he walked over to Orachimaru and sat beside the other boy. When the Orachimaru finally noticed the other boy he recalled how he was assaulted in his sleep by the other boy. The pale boy stood up and began walking into the woods in the opposite direction as Tsunade had gone. He did not want to be alone with the idiot but he was too scared to be near the bleeding monster either.

"Jiraiya," He said recalling what had woken him up. "You shouldn't sleep with a kunai, you could hurt yourself."

As the pale boy walked off Jiraiya sat by himself feeling puzzled. He never slept with his kunai.

 _ **Well I hoped you enjoyed. Please tell me what you think. I have never written humor before so I hope it was funny. I plan to do one for each generation. Next time Team Jiraiya.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for reading so far .Just so you know Minato and Kushina are maybe around 13 or 14 and this takes place shortly after Minato saved her._

 **Team Jiraiya**

Minato nervously wiped his hands on his pants before knocking on the door. He half hoped that Jiraiya would not be home so that he could put this off a little longer. Though if he kept putting it off to long he would never have what he wanted and he knew that someone else would take what he wanted more than anything in the world, what he wanted even more than being Hokage. He took a deep breath and knocked again on his sensei's door.

When Jiraiya finally opened the door it was only to find is favorite pupil staring at the ground looking nervous. The Sannin could not help but feel alarmed at the young ninja's state, Minato was almost always confident and things rarely seemed to alarm or upset him. Whatever could put him in this state must be very important and troublesome.

"Minato why don't you come in?" The Sannin said ushering his hand through the door.

Once inside Jiraiya directed the young ninja to sit at his kitchen table while he prepared drinks, tea for Minato and sake for himself, Jiraiya had a feeling he would need some liquid courage before they were finished talking.

"So what is wrong?" Jiraiya asked his nervous pupil.

Minato licked his lips nervously and tried to meet his sensei's eyes.

"You have to promise you won't tell anyone about this!" Minato pleaded.

Feeling alarmed at his usually very open students request Jiraiya felt himself nodding his consent.

"You know a lot about girls right?" Asked the yellow haired ninja as he stared at the table.

The Sannin again found himself nodding his head wondering where this could be going.

"Well, I want to take someone on a date but I have never been on a date." Minato began. "It has to be perfect because she is perfect and if I mess it up she may not want to date me again. Or she could hate me and go out with someone else. I really can't mess up!"

Jiraiya looked at his star pupil babbling about some girl and could feel his lips begin to twitch in amusement. It was not hard to guess who he was talking about. The Sannin knew the boy had mooning over the fiery tempered Jinchuriki since he was a small boy. Jiraiya felt proud that the young man he thought of as a son had finally asked the girl of his dreams out and couldn't help but feel amused at his panic.

Taking a few moments to gather his thoughts Jiraiya thought about the many women he had dated over the years conveniently forgetting about how many were payed women of the night. In his opinion his student came to the right man, few men could brag about his number of conquest he had under his belt.

"Well, most women like being taken to fancy places and bought fancy things." Jiraiya told his student. "In my experience the more you spend the more she will like you."

Minato nodded his head not quite understanding why it seeded to be all about money.

"So I should buy her a new kunai or something?" Minato asked.

Jiraiya looked at his student like he had sprouted a second head. This boy obviously had no idea how women operated.

"Women like pretty things like flowers and jewelry. The best bet is to give her jewelry, women always love jewelry the more expensive the better. Though don't buy her a ring. If you give her a ring it always messes up any future dates. Too many expectations." Sannin told the young ninja.

Not quite sure of this information Minato briefly wondered if Kushina had ever worn jewelry. She was a bit of a tomboy and seemed to have more interest in fighting then looking in a mirror.

"The next thing is you need to take her to someplace really nice and expensive. Definitely not some cheap Ramen stand." Jiraiya said.

"Then what?" The young ninja asked.

Jiraiya gave his pupil one of his patented pervy grins.

"Well then it is the most important part," The Sannin said in his most sage like voice. "The kiss at her door step. Walk her to her door and kiss her. If you do this wrong she will never speak to you again and if you do it right well…."

The old pervert began to chuckle to himself.

"Well if done correctly she will take you to her room." Jiraiya finished.

Minato thought about kissing Kushina and he could feel his face heat up. He would really like to kiss the fiery redhead but would be extremely happy to just her hand.

"Why would I go to her room?" Minato asked after processing everything else Jiraiya had said.

"Well…"Jiraiya tried to explain the reason but could not come up with a good explanation that he would feel comfortable saying out loud.

"If she does take you to her room remember to leave a large wad of cash." He figured that if the boy did not already know what happened in a girls' room then hopefully the girl would. He was not going to explain the Birds and the Bees to the boy.

"Why?" Minato did not understand what his Sensei was talking about and felt even more confused and troubled then he was before he knocked on Jiraiya's door.

"It is just what you have to do." Jiraiya snapped at the boy. He was not going to explain the laws of men to this boy. A man must always pay a woman for her services that was just simply how it is.

Knowing that Jiraiya had never before steered him wrong and was a very wise man of the world Minato felt that he would trust him with his advice. He really like Kushina and did not want his inexperience to make not like him. After all it was just recently that she had seemed to like him and she could easily change her mind.

Ever since he had first seen her he had fallen in love with her. At first it was her hair that drew him too her. Minato loved watching her from behind in class, it fascinated him to see the different shades of red her hair would become as she would move. When he had learned she was missing he had been terrified but he had felt hope with every red strand he found as he followed her captors. He wanted to be as close to her as possible and never let anyone harm her again.

He knew he had to do this right.

He went to several shops looking for the perfect gift for the kunoichi and he finally settled for a simple necklace with a violet stone that he thought matched her eyes. I found a nice restaurant that met Jiraiya's instructions and when the day of his date rolled around he nervously waited for her outside the restaurant.

Meanwhile Jiraiya had recruited Minato's fellow teammates for a top secret "S" mission. Follow Kushina and Minato on their date. It was simple follow the two lovebirds and do not get caught.

When Kushina arrived Minato she wore a simple green dress and her brilliant red hair hung loose nearly to her ankles. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he was lucky enough to have undivided attention on him for the night.

He quickly held out the small bag that he had brought with him. Kushina looked at him and the bag and tilted her head in a confused manner.

"It, it's a present I bought…for you," Minato said stumbling over his heads. "It is pretty and made me think about you."

Kushina smiled as she opened the bag and took out the necklace.

"It's so pretty! Thank you!" She gushed out holding the necklace. "But I didn't get you anything."

Kushina looked downwards shyly.

"It's ok," He replied. "I don't need anything."

Minato blushed and looked at the ground not knowing what to do.

The girl noticed how shyly Minato was acting and decided to help him out.

"Why don't we go inside?" She asked.

Minato quickly agreed and walked besides her making sure he opened up the restaurant door for his date before following behind her. Right before the door closed behind him he felt a sudden prickle on the back of his neck as if being watched he turned around only glancing at a puff of white from the corner of his eye.

Deciding it was nothing he continued into the restraint.

The best way to describe dinner was awkward. Neither of the youngsters could read the menu and when they finally received the meal they had no idea how to even use the utensils to eat the escargot they had somehow managed to order. The pair after having a good laugh together about their inability to eat there meal decided to go grab Ramen instead.

The date went well afterwards. They decided to walk around the village for a while after their second meal. They talked for a long time everything from training to their favorite foods. They both enjoyed themselves.

Time flew by quickly and soon it had gotten late into the night. Minato escorted Kushina home and found himself standing nervously staring at her in front of her door.

"I had a really good time with you tonight," Kushina told Minato.

"Me too," He replied nervously.

"Well goodnight," Kushina said with a smile. "I hope we can do this again."

Knowing that Jiraiya had said this was the most important part Minato grabbed Kushina's wrest and pulled the startled girl towards him closed his eyes and puckered up his lips. Just as his lips were descending upon the now horrified girls first there was a large crash.

The pair whipped around towards the noise. On the ground were three very familiar figures of Minato's teammates and Jiraiya. Minato's mouth dropped wide in horror, this was going to end badly for him.

"Did you try to kiss me in front of your friends for your entertainment?" Kushina screeched.

"No…no I didn't even know they were there," Minato tried to explain knowing that his team had blown it for him. Why were they even there?

Not knowing what else to do Minato explained how he had gone to Jiraiya and asked him for help. He told her everything even about how he was told to leave money behind in her room for some reason.

As the boy spoke Kushina's face became redder and redder. When he finished she walked up to the now standing Sannin and bald up her fest. She then hit him hard enough that he did not wake up for a week before she walked inside the house slamming the door.

Minato spent the next three weeks begging and pleading for the redhead's forgiveness. The rest as you say is History. The two eventually were married and they had a wonderful child who would one day grow up and save the world.

 _ **I hope you enjoyed. I tried to think of some o the worse things that a guy could do on a date and leaving behind cash for services rendered was the worse I could come up.**_

 _ **Next up is Team Minato!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Here it is Team Minato! I hope everyone enjoys._

 _I do not own or make money off of Naruto._

 **Team Minato**

It was another day filled with D-Rank missions for the recently formed Team Minato. For Rin and Obito the D-Rank missions were disappointing for the newly minted Genin but for the third member of Team Minato it was infuriating and insulting to go from A-Rank mission with an occasional S-Rank to D-Rank. Young Kakashi had not taken the news very well, Minato secretly labeled his reaction as throwing a temper tantrum.

The white haired boy had stomped his foot and glared at the Hokage and informed everyone in the hearing distance of his shouts that he was wasted on such childish missions and demanded to be given a proper mission. The best part was that he used language that would make a Sailor blush with shame in his attempt to emphasize his point.

When Minato had questioned him on where he had learned such language he was told how several of his former teammates had instructed him on how to properly swear. Team Ino-Shika-Cho still twitched every time they saw any of the four members of Team Minato after Minato had informed Kushina of the trio corrupting her cute Kakashi.

Yes, today was another blissfully quiet day of nothing but mind numbing D-Rank missions.

Minato sighed contentedly as he peeked over his book at the three Genin weeding a villager's garden as he rocked blissfully in his hammock. The best part of D-Ranks was that the Jonin-Sensei was able to sit back and relax as their young minions toiled away and worked on their team work. For Minato it was like a long awaited vacation from back to back S-Rank missions.

It was nearing noon when the three teammates had finally finished with their gardening.

Minato was alerted to the completion when he felt a shadow covering his book. He looked up to the glaring goggled covered face of Obito just inches from his own.

"We are done," The Genin informed him sulking. "All you did was read while we did all of the work."

Minato smiled at the boy recalling the words of his own sensei, words that he would not repeat to his own students, right before he went to bath house for his usual peeping routine.

"D-Rank missions are meant for you to learn how to work as a team. They are supposed to be easy and safe enough that you require little to no supervision. I am here to make sure you are bonding." Minato did not add that he was enjoying every moment of being able to relax during the D-Rank missions.

Standing to the side Kakashi frowned at him in a way that made Minato feel like the preteen knew about how much he was enjoying lazing around and he felt guilty for his small indulgence.

"How about we call it a day and go back to my place for lunch?" Minato suggested knowing that Kushina would be delighted to have his little ducklings as she called them home for lunch. Kushina loved having the three of them around and would admonish him any time she felt he was too hard on the trio. When Obito had been attacked by the Tora the escaped cat that belonged to the Daimyo's wife Kushina had made him sleep on the couch for a week for the scratches on the boy's face.

The three happily agreed to accompany their Sensei home. Though Kakashi only responded with a curt nod of his head towards his Sensei who could not tell what sort of emotions he hid behind his mask. Minato just assumed the boy was happy.

When they arrived at his house they were greeted by a happy Kushina who quickly told the dirty Genin to hurry up and take baths before going to the kitchen to prepare lunch for them.

When lunch was finished they all sat down to eat with Kushina questioning about what they had been up to.

"Minato you have a package from Jiraiya," Kushina told Minato after the meal was finished. She had a slight frown on her face, even though it had been a long time ago she had not fully forgiven the Sannin for some of the advice he had given Minato on their first date.

Minato quickly opened the package and was delighted to discover books.

 _Here are copies of my latest work. Please share them and tell me what you thought about them. It has taken me years of research to be able to write them I hope you enjoy them as much as I did._

 _Jiraiya_

Minato's face broke out in a broad grin. He quickly grabbed three of the orange books and handed one to each of his students.

"These are books by my Sensei," Minato told his team happily. "So for the rest of the day go home and read these books and tomorrow we can discuss them when we meet up."

The three took the books all knowing the reputation of Jiraiya and anything he wrote would help them on their way to becoming great Shinobi. Though they would not say it out loud both Obito and Kakashi felt anything was better than doing boring D-Rank missions.

Shortly after the trio left Minato was summoned by the Hokage and was not able to read the book himself.

As soon as she got home Ren went to her room to read the book she had been given. About ten minutes after she started reading she dropped the book like it had burnt her. She gazed at the book for a minutes before picking it up with a paper towel and placing it into a bag. Then she hid it under her bed hoping that no one would find out that she had something like _**that**_.

When he had gotten home Obito had lazed around playing games and generally goofing off. It was not until bedtime that he recalled the book he was supposed to read. Digging it out of his pack Obito laid down on his bed to read. He managed to nearly finish the first two chapters before his face heating up and turning a bright shade of red. He embarrassedly took the book and stuffed it back into his pack to afraid to continue read it. What had his Sensei been thinking giving him this book?

That night Obito had vivid dreams that involved Ren and would have difficulty looking at his childhood friend for weeks to come.

After removing his sandals and neatly placing them beside the door Kakashi placed his pack into the closet and sat down in a chair pulling out the orange book given to him by his Sensei. Soon he was completely engrossed in the book unable to put it down. At some point in time he had grabbed a yellow highlighter and marked the phrases he did not quite understand. Soon the sky outside darkened into night and before he knew it the sky was slowly turning orange as the morning sun began to raise.

Realizing that it was morning Kakashi quickly got ready to meet his team. He walked quickly to their usual meeting spot his nose still firmly planted in the book reading.

For the first time he arrived late with even Obito arriving before he did. Busy reading the orange book he missed the horrified looks his teammates were giving the book held in his hand.

Minato gave his team a warm smile his eyes shadowed with heavy circles from a night without any sleep.

"How did you enjoy the book?" He asked.

Ren thrust a paper bag towards her Sensei her face flaming red.

"I can't read this," She told him firmly her small hands trembling.

Minato took the paper bag looking at the small girl puzzled. What could cause the normally level headed Ren to react like this?

Obito handed his book over to his Sensei next his face even redder then Ren's. He could not even look at his teammate without feeling guilty about his dreams from the night before.

Minato was even more puzzled by Obito's reaction to the book. If the book was anything like _Tales of the Utterly Gutsy_ Shinobi Obito would have really liked the book.

Looking at his last student Minato was happy to see the boy still reading the book ignoring everything around him.

"Kakashi, what did you think?" Minato asked.

Kakashi looked at Minato over the edge of the book.

"I do not quite understand everything in it," The prodigy admitted. "Could you explain it to me?"

Minato smiled in understanding, if someone as advanced as Kakashi had problems understanding it the other two most have found it too difficult to read.

"Sure why not tell me what you did not understand." Minato said happy to help out his students. It was rare that he was able to help Kakashi in anything.

"Well here it says 'He sheathed his throbbing sword into her glistening secret hole.' And I do not understand what it means. Also it keeps talking about love nectar, honey pot and shooting white milk." Kakashi explained his voice puzzled.

Minato's mouth dropped open the two books in his hands falling to the ground. What did Kakashi just say?

Minato reached over and snatched the book out his student's hands. He quickly began scheming passages noting how neatly Kakashi had highlighted areas he did not understand. It quickly dawned on Minato that he had assigned a porn book to his students to read.

"I am so sorry," Minato apologized to his students. "I did not know this was that kind of book. I thought it was about a Gutsy Shinobi."

Minato looked at his students. Ren stood looking the ground embarrassed, Obito stood farther away from Ren then usual shooting her occasional glances before turning redder and looking away only Kakashi seemed normal if a bit puzzled.

"What is wrong?" Kakashi asked. "Can you explain what it the book meant?"

Looking at Kakashi's puzzlement he knew he had to enlighten the book or he would find someone who would. God help him if he brought the book to Kushina.

"It was about sex." Minato stated bluntly.

"What's sex?" Asked the twelve year old.

Minato looked at Kakashi surprised. Surely someone had explained **it** to him.

"The birds and the bees?" Minato asked.

"What?" Kakashi said even more puzzled. Nothing in the book had anything to do with birds or bees.

Minato could feel sweat forming on his back. Had anyone given the boy the **talk**?

"Do you know where babies come from?" Minato asked hoping that the boy knew something.

Puzzled at the question Kakashi had no idea where the conversation was going.

"They come from a special cabbage patch that only people who want to be a Mommy and Daddy can find." Kakashi explained recalling the answer his father had given to him.

When he heard Kakashi's explanation Obito started laughing at his teammate. Only little kids thought silly things like that. Even Ren smiled at Kakashi's explanation.

Kakashi glared at his teammates. He had no idea why they laughed but it did not make him happy.

Understanding dawned on Minato, he was going to have to give Kakashi the talk and he could not help but feel cold dread. He was not prepared for this. Maybe the village could conveniently be attacked and he could slip out of this duty.

"Ren and Obito you have the day off. I will see you here tomorrow." Minato said before turning to Kakashi. "Kakashi you and I will be spending the day having The Talk."

Minato watched as Obito and Ren started to walk off in opposite directions and recalling an important detail.

"Obito Ren." He called out. "Please do not tell Kushina about this."

The pair shivered simultaneously, Kushina would murder their Sensei if she discovered he had unknowingly given them dirty books. They both nodded their heads and hurriedly left the training field.

After they were gone Minato started to explain the ins and outs of baby making to his student. It took about five hours for Kakashi to be fully satisfied with his answers including what many of the neatly highlighted phrases in the book meant.

Minato stumbled into the nearest bar ordering the strongest alcohol they had before proceeding to drink himself into oblivion. The details his student had asked and his constant use of the orange book for a referral had been gruesome. The Jonin just wanted to forget the entire ordeal. Later that night team Ino-Shika-Cho would dump his intoxicated body at his front door ring the doorbell and runaway.

After his Sensei had left Kakashi silently sat where his Sensei had left him. Now understanding what the book had been about he stared at the orange cover. It had been highly intriguing and he had loved it even after learning about the books full content.

He gingerly picked up the three books his Sensei had left behind and carefully placed them into his bag. That night he would reread the book again and over the years he would become known to always carry a copy with him.

Yes Icha Icha Paradise would never stray far from the young Shinobi's hand.

 _ **I hope everyone enjoyed!**_

 _ **If you have any team request let me know! Next will be Team Kakashi.**_

 _ **I know this story takes a bit of time between updates but my story Warmth takes up most of my writing time.**_


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